I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
