I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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