I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
he quoted the bible to break up with me
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The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
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