Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
this will be a night to untag.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
