So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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