Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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