# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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