they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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