Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
