Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Randomize
