Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Randomize
