i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
