that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
you traded sex for a burrito?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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