My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
