how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
