Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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