The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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