if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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