Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
