Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
