Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
