Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
