I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
