Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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