and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
