Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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