god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
We are all done wearing pants today
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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