Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
