Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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