Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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