dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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