I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
