Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I forgot how hot balto sounded
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
