I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
