i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
