Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
