I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
