Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
you have to choose: penises or morals?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
