I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
