I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
