brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
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