Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
