I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
