I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Randomize
