it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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