Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
