well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
