So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
