I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
