I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
