Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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