What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
