She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize