Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
