Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize
