Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Randomize
