It was confusing and full of hummus
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize