That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
