Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
