im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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