Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
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Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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