She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
