My first STD was from a foam party
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
