My liver just broke up with me...
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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