the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
