so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
This beer is not sobering me up at all
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
