i'm signing you up for texting rehab
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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