How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
