last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
