My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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