would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
