I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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