Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
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