Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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