I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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