Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Can I color on your dick again?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
