About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize