hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
